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The Five Devastating Consequences of No Longer Having a Valid Student Card

For many years you will curse your student card for the terrible Dracula-esque photo that was taken on a dreadful hangover, and the fact it means you actually have to study. But when that fateful day of expiry comes, there will be a number of awful consequences.

1. No more Topshop discount

Or New Look. Or Urban Outfitters. Or anywhere for that matter. You can also kiss goodbye to student lock-ins. While the odd ten or twenty percent off a new pair of jeans might not have seemed that much over the years, it becomes increasingly hard to justify a spending spree without saving some pennies. Soon you’ll be raiding your mum’s 80s wardrobe in a desperate attempt to update your style.

 regina george ugly skirt

In the words of Regina George “that is the ugliest effing skirt I have ever seen.”

2. Goodbye to cheap lunches

Going to uni and the thought of having to cook for myself was terrifying. But I, along with every other student, soon discovered the perk of 2 for 1 and 50% off deals, which meant you could score a great lunch for a fiver (as long as you avoided sides and only drank tap water). But all those great deals on the SR app disappear when your student card expires, meaning you actually have to cook for yourself. ALL. THE. TIME.

 Jess crying

WHY GOD WHY???

3. Paying a lot to get in da clubs

Aside from the fact that you are now probably working and therefore cannot go out mid-week to get super steam-boats on £1 spirit-mixes and have to splash your cash on expensive weekend nights out instead, you also have to start paying full price to get in. I was always too drunk on entering clubs to remember flashing my student card, but it turns out it cuts the entry fee in half. I mean that’s the cost of at least two drinks. No wonder adults stop going out past the age of 25.

 Ross giving the finger

Eff you nightclubs!

4. Free McDonald’s cheeseburgers are a thing of the past

A little known secret always spreads like Chinese whispers through starving students stumbling home from a drunken night out. If you buy a regular McDonalds meal and show your student card, YOU GET A FREE CHEESEBURGER! HALLELUJAH! However, once your student card expires you can no longer take advantage of this generous offer and are left begging the fed up cashier for a few extra chips. It turns out a regular meal just isn’t enough anymore.

 please sir

“Please sir, I want some more.”

5. You can no longer access the library

No I’m not a weirdo who misses the smell of books or studying alongside thousands of other crazed students trying desperately to memorise their textbooks. The library was one of my least favourite places as a student, as it was for many people. However, on those freezing cold winter days when you were forced to spend any time in your flat wrapped up in thermals, trackies and about 5 jumpers, the library became a safe, warm haven for you. Even if you just went to watch the episode of Dr. Who you missed on BBC iPlayer. Without that haven you might have to, god forbid, turn the heating on in your flat. Or go to a coffee shop and actually pay for something. Of course this won’t apply if you’ve moved back home with your parents – but then you probably have a bunch of other problems to deal with.

 Luke Skywalker freezing

You. In your frozen flat this winter.

So if you are a graduate and are yet to land your dream job, then these problems are likely affecting you too. The only solution I can offer is to try scraping off the date of your student card and still passing it off as valid. But if it gets refused, it will probably be the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you. Ever. I know from personal experience.

-Claire Flynn

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